Resilience is something everyone wants, but no one wants to earn. That’s because it’s not fun developing resilience. In fact, it’s the opposite of fun and the opposite of comfortable. Resilience is forged from struggle and pain.  Humans, being creatures of habit and comfort, naturally resist anything that would develop resilience.

Think of the beautiful butterfly. In the struggle to break out of the chrysalis, the butterfly writhes and squirms; this pushes fluid out of its body into it’s wings and strengthens them for flight. If we were to “help” the butterfly by carefully cutting open the cocoon, it’s wings would not develop. The butterfly would never be able to fly and it would die. Its struggle is vital to its transformation.

And so it is.

On the human plane, resilience is often borne out of surviving bad situations that we did not choose — at least, not intentionally. Bankruptcy, divorce, a difficult childhood come to mind as examples, but there are an infinite number of life situations big and small that can build our resilience. We may not have planned on finding ourselves here, but regardless, here we are.

That’s how life works. So often we get what we need, not what we want.

When we are in the midst of the mess, feeling lost, alone and afraid, we can pause and take the 10,000 foot view. We can try to see the BIGGER picture by asking, “What lesson is this experience offering? What silver linings can I focus on? Is there an opportunity in the crisis?”

Mindset matters and persistence wins.

When we pause, calm and center ourselves, our point of view can change. When our point of view changes, we feel things differently.  Experience is a great teacher.  When we let go of resisting and accept what IS, we can use all that energy to do what needs to be done regardless of our comfort — and resilience is the reward.